


Entrelac

by Hermaline75



Series: Darcy, Loki, and the Yarn Store [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, F/M, Go with it..., Human AU, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M, Unrequited Love, Yarn shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-02-07
Packaged: 2018-01-10 09:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1158041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy inherits a yarn store from her great aunt, along with a backlog of paperwork.<br/>Clearly what she needs is someone to come work for her and Jane knows just the troublesome promiscuous younger brother for the job.</p><p>(This started out as a joke about coffee shop AUs - after all, if coffee shops why not yarn shops - and was meant to be fun PWP, Loki having sexy-times among the angora but it got away from me and developed plot and feelings. Also the world of knitting is home to untapped double entendres that I wanted to use. And Darcy has a lot of fun knitwear that yelled 'home knitted' to me.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darcy would probably never understand how she ended up here.

One week she was a mostly-unemployed college graduate who occasionally did a shift or two at her great-aunt’s wool store (sorry, ‘yarn emporium’) and then suddenly her aunt took ill and Darcy basically inherited the place.

Sure, she’d knitted for years now. Mostly for herself, though occasionally she managed to get Jane to take in a shawl or two. But just because you make the odd hat, that doesn’t mean you suddenly know how much worsted weight 100% acrylic should be bought by a small yarn business.

She had been sitting in the tiny, cramped office space of the store staring at her aunt’s accounts for what seemed like hours, trying to work out what all the strange abbreviations meant and wondering when she’d be able to call and ask for clarification without tiring her out, when the door opened, jingling the bell.

“We’re closed! There’s a sign!”

“It’s me,” Jane stuck her head round the office door. “Sorry. Can I hang out here for a bit? Reading’s not exactly possible at my house right now. I’ll be quiet.”

“Sure, no problem. I’m not getting anything done either. I’d actually love a distraction, if you want to talk about it?” Darcy assumed there was another chair in this room somewhere, under the piles of paperwork and miscellaneous yarn samples, but instead offered Jane hers and perched on the edge of the desk.

“There’s just a lot of yelling going on right now, I wanted to get out.”

“What, really? You and Thor? But you guys...like, never fight. Ever. Not, like, yelling fights. You argue, sure, but...”

“Not me and Thor. His brother’s shown up.”

“Thor has a brother?”

“Yeah. Loki. They don’t exactly get on. I’ve met him briefly once before at their mom’s birthday and he seemed nice enough then, but apparently the charm is all a front. He does this every few years – he shows up with no warning, Thor lets him into his life, they fall out, Loki leaves without saying a word, Thor has to pick up the pieces. And then a few years later he shows up again and they just cycle. And Thor says he’s done with that. I left when I thought things might get thrown around the apartment.”

“Wow. Sounds intense.”

“Yeah. I can’t decide if I’m more concerned that they’ll finally break for good or that Thor will relent and risk falling back into that routine again. Either way, it’ll hurt him. He really wants it to be like it was when they were kids, but I don’t think they’ll ever make it back to that point. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but there’s a lot of pent up _something_ there.”

She sighed.

“Anyway, how’s the knitting supply store going?”

“Ugh, terribly. I have no idea what I’m doing. I wouldn’t mind, but it seems like Aunt Connie had no idea either. I have no idea how she was getting by – I can’t find her tax forms, but I know she submitted them, she has no set orders, I have to go through all these yarn manufacturers’ catalogues and decide what to buy and how much and what my mark up should be. It’s a nightmare, Jane. A total nightmare. I just don’t have the time to sort this out and run the store at the same time. I’d close down for a few days, but I don’t think I can afford to, not that there’s an incredible amount of business. Which means I need to be here dealing with customers during the day and tackling this at night and I’m just...I’m so tired. But I can’t let this place go under; Connie’ll kill me when she gets back.”

“How is she?”

“I think she’s getting better, but it’s hard to say. Sometimes I think she’s done this deliberately to force me to do grown-up things. Or just so that I’ll deal with all the paperwork for her, if I can find the time.”

“Can’t you hire someone to run the store while you get this done? I mean...you used to work here part time, so your salary must have been on the books and therefore within budget, right?”

“I guess. I’m just not sure where I’m going to find someone willing to work in this mess. And answer customer questions about knitting. It’s more complex than you think.”

“Times are hard, Darce. You probably know someone looking for a job, just ask around.”

“Yeah...”

Jane’s phone rang and she slipped out of the room to take it, leaving Darcy turning back to the dreaded accounts and hearing only half the conversation.

“Hey... Yeah. No, it’s fine, it’s fine, did you sort it out? OK... Right... What? No, Thor. No, he can’t... Yeah, I get that but... No! I don’t care!”

Darcy was definitely not paying attention to the accounts right now.

“Wait. Thor, wait, I have an idea.” Jane reappeared in the doorway. “Hang on, I’ll put you on speakerphone...”

“Hey, Thor.” Darcy said when the phone was placed on the desk in front of her. “How’s it going?”

“Jane, please can we talk about this privately?” Thor sounded serious.

“No, I need you to hear me ask this. Darcy, am I right in thinking that you were just saying how useful it would be to have someone to help run the yarn store while you get through a paperwork backlog?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, guardedly, not certain she liked where this was going.

“And don’t you have access to the apartment over the store?”

“Well...yeah, but it’s full of my aunt’s old furniture. And yarn. So much yarn, all the yarn. She basically uses it as storage space.”

“But it has a bed in it, right? Running water, electricity, heating, all of that? Someone could live there?”

“I guess. I’ve stayed there once or twice when I didn’t want to walk home.”

“How would you like an assistant to run the store in return for some pay, a reference if he earns it, and a place to stay? Thor, how does that sound? Loki gets somewhere to stay, close by, and a job to get him back on his feet but – and this is a crucial thing – he doesn’t come to stay with us in our tiny one-bedroom apartment?”

“Jane,” Darcy said, slowly. “Are you honestly asking me to employ Thor’s brother, someone I didn’t know existed until five minutes ago, and let him live here? That’s crazy! You literally just told me that he was probably bad news.”

There were distant but unmistakably angry noises from the phone.

“Sorry,” Thor said. “I should probably have told you when I switched to speakerphone. He can hear you. But I think Darcy’s right; it’s unfair to ask this of her.”

“Thor, it’s the best solution,” Jane insisted. “And Loki probably doesn’t want to stay with us anyway, given the chance!”

“Loki can speak for himself!” Darcy wouldn’t necessarily say his voice was unpleasant, if he’d been less angry.

Thor was apologizing in the background as Loki continued. “I hate to say it, Jane,” Practically spitting her name, “but you’re right. I have no desire to stay with you and Thor. But since I have nowhere else to go and your friend wants nothing to do with the screw-up little brother, as I’m sure you’ve been describing me, I don’t see that I have much choice.”

Jane looked at Darcy, pleading with her eyes.

“Hey, I didn’t say no. As such. I just said it was a bit surprising. Do you want to come stay here and co-run a yarn store?”

“I can’t say it’s ever been a burning ambition, but it’s the best offer I’ve had in a while.”

“Know anything about knitting?”

“Nothing at all.”

Darcy glanced at the piles of documents around her.

“Prepare to learn. You’re hired. At least on probation. Come by tomorrow, bring your stuff and move in. I’ll try to get some of the yarn boxes shifted.”

“You’re too kind.” Darcy genuinely couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm but she assumed so.

She thought Jane was going to break her ribs with the strength of her hug when the call ended.

“Thank you! You have no idea, I couldn’t even face the thought of having to put up with them fighting all the time.”

“Yeah, sure, it’s fine, I’ll handle the unreliable grumpy one, you go home to your dependable blond bombshell...”

“Oh, come on. It might work out. You might be good for him, help him get his life back on track. A new person and a new environment might be exactly what he needs. You’d be like his mentor.”

“Or he might totally ruin my store.”

Jane paused for a moment before reaching for her last argument. “He’s quite good looking. If nothing else, he’s got that going for him.”

“If he ruins my store I am so telling Thor that you fancy his brother...”


	2. Chapter 2

Thor brought Loki round the next morning, before Darcy had opened the store. She’d tried to move some of the yarn boxes upstairs but with nowhere else to put them she ended up piling them, making walls of cardboard all labeled with things like ‘Lace weight’, ‘Baby colors’, ‘100% wool, Aran’. She also made up the bed with some of her sheets from home and made sure all the lights were working, checked on the water heating, all the little necessary things. She hoped Jane had been exaggerating his tendency for conflict. Maybe it would work out. _It’s not fair to judge someone before you’ve met them_ , she reminded herself.

Loki was not what she’d expected. She’d been imagining a slightly smaller Thor, all blond and shoulders and easy confidence. Instead she was met by a glower from a tall, painfully thin young man, with long dark hair and a general air of disdain.

She pretended not to notice and smiled widely. “Hi. I’m Darcy. Welcome to The Yarn Barn. Make yourself at home.”

“’The Yarn Barn’?”

“Yeah, I wanted to rename it ‘Bitchy Stitches’ but apparently that doesn’t give off the right image.”

Loki glanced around as Thor stood anxiously behind him. “There was an apartment mentioned?”

“The stairs are in the back. Here’s your key. Need any help with...bags and stuff?”

“No.” He disappeared in the direction she’d indicated carrying his lone backpack.

Thor placed a hand on Darcy’s shoulder. “Thank you so much for doing this. He’ll brighten up, I swear. He’s just a little... He’s not in a good place. You can tell, he came to me. He only does that when he’s run out of other options.”

“But Jane said that happened every few years.”

“Yeah...” Thor shrugged. “What am I meant to do? He’s my brother. He’s family. You’re meant to look out for family.”

Loki reappeared. “Still here? I am an adult, Thor, you don’t have to hold my hand.”

Thor shuffled his feet. “I just...wanted to wish you luck. I’ll call you later, yeah?”

“You wanted to tell me to be good for the nice lady. How about you just call her and she can fill you in on everything I have and haven’t done.”

Well, this was horribly awkward. But it seemed Thor had dealt with this before judging from how readily he crossed the distance between them and pulled Loki into a hug. Loki’s arms remained obstinately by his sides.

“I’ll call you later.” Thor repeated, and left.

There was a long pause. Darcy had the distinct feeling that she was being appraised and judged in some way.

“Everything OK upstairs?” she asked.

“I’ve stayed in worse.”

Another pause.

“We open at 10. Come on, I’ll show you how to work the cash register. It’s pretty easy, especially if you’ve done this kind of thing before. I didn’t ask about your experience but...”

“I’ve done pretty much everything at one time or another, I’m sure I can handle it.”

“Well, great!” _Right, Mr. Surly, let’s see how long you can hold out against my Little Miss Cheerful._

He had definitely done this before. Maybe not with a model this old but... It wouldn’t be an issue.

“Our copy of the receipts go here and the change float is in the locked box on the bottom shelf of the desk but you shouldn’t need that. There’s a coffee machine in the back if you want some. If you have any problems or questions, I’ll be in the office.”

“Why would I have questions?”

“Not you necessarily. Sometimes customers want to ask about different yarns or techniques. I do knitting classes, and people quite often drop in with whatever they’re working on. Why did you think we have benches?”

“Because old ladies need to sit down often.”

Darcy laughed. “It’s not all old ladies you know. You’d be surprised at the extent of the knitter demographic.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Sometimes... we even get men in here.”

Loki remained solemn. _Yeah, Thor, he’ll brighten up, sure, I believe you._

“I’ll leave you to it,” she said.

Over the next three hours, she heard the bell jingle twice. One customer coming in and going out.

Loki knocked on the door at around half past one.

“Do I get a lunch break?”

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, sure, take an hour. I’ll man the store.”

“Yeah, they’re breaking the door down out there...” _So he does have something of a sense of humor under all the grump._

“Thursdays are always dead. Who was our lucky customer this morning?”

He shrugged. “A woman. Older. Looked exactly like I’d imagine a knitter looks. I wasn’t sure if she was happy or shocked to find a Y-chromosome in here. She bought wool. She left. Minimal conversation.”

_Yeah, I’m sure that had nothing to do with anyone’s unfriendly demeanor._

“It’ll be busier tomorrow.”

“But what do you…what do you do all day?”

She blinked at him.

“How do you mean?”

“When there’s no one here and you’re running the register. What do you do? To stop yourself dying of boredom.”

“Oh. Well. I knit.”

He stared at her. “You knit?”

“Yeah. It’s a knitting and crochet supply store, of course I knit. Sometimes I sell what I make. Scarves and stuff. It passes the time. People are more likely to approach to ask questions if you clearly know what you’re doing.”

“Are you suggesting that I learn to knit?”

“I run the beginners class tomorrow and Tuesday, and the intermediate one on Saturday. You can join in if you like.”

Loki didn’t seem convinced.

“Can I bring a book instead?”

“As long as you’re ready to help customers, I honestly don’t care what you get up to.”

He smiled at that. It was the first time she’d seen him smile.

“Can friends drop in to chat to me?”

She thought about it. On the one hand, having non-customers in the store wasn’t a good thing, but on the other hand having anyone in the store, making it seems friendlier and busier was an excellent thing.

“You know what? Sure. Maybe I’ll even manage to convert them to the Church of Yarn.”

“Thanks, Darcy. I’ll be back at half past two.”

As the bell jingled, she wondered briefly how often he actually expressed thanks to people. _Maybe he likes me after all._


	3. Chapter 3

She hoped the beginners class would be well attended. She found herself desperate that a particular one of her regulars would show up, just to show Loki that it wasn’t all old ladies. Not that her usual group of older women were little dithering things; below the surface they all had deep, dark senses of humor. You could cut their sarcasm with knives. But Darcy still hoped her youngest regular, Natasha, would be there. She usually was, just for an hour over her lunch break, but not always. She’d originally come in the belief that a nice, calming hobby would help with her stress levels. Knitting had not helped in exactly the way she expected, but it had at least given her an outlet. And no one seemed to mind when she screeched and swore at her knitting. They’d all called a scarf a bitch at one time or another, it wasn’t anything unusual. But it would be nice to have someone around 30 there, someone who had an actual job.

“The classes are really informal,” she told Loki as they got out the folding tables which made classes feasible but movement in the store very difficult. “People drop in, drop out, bring food sometimes, everyone drinks coffee or tea or whatever. There’s a set start, but no set ending. Sometimes we go on till closing time.”

“Wow. Must get wild.”

She ignored that comment. “I see you got the shower to work OK.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I think I’ve figured everything out. Except the boxes of yarn, but I’m just leaving them alone. I’m…I’m allowed guests, right? After work, obviously.”

She hadn’t even considered that. “Yeah, I guess. As long as the yarn is safe. And the furniture. Otherwise I’ll have to retain your deposit.”

“I didn’t pay a deposit, you offered to let me stay here in exchange for cheap labor and because my brother’s girlfriend begged you to.”

“It was a joke. And Jane didn’t beg, she just suggested it would be a good solution to a problem I had and a problem you had.”

“I didn’t have a problem.”

Darcy decided not to press the matter. Fortunately apparently Natasha was coming to knitting class and she was early.

“Hello? Darcy? I can’t get this fucking ribbing to work!”

“OK. Sit down, I’ll be right there to take a look.” She turned back to Loki. “Can you get her a coffee please? Black, one sugar.”

“She didn’t ask for one.”

“I know, but it’ll be easier if she has one straight away.”

Darcy was trying to untangle the Natasha’s knitting when Loki brought the coffee from the back room.

“Darcy, there’s a man in your store.”

“Don’t sound so surprised. Men come into this store sometimes. Men knit. As it happens, this is Loki. He doesn’t knit, but he lives and works here now.”

“Lives and works? Is he sleeping in the angora?”

“There’s an apartment above the store.”

“Right.” Natasha eyed Loki suspiciously but then again she tended to do that with almost everyone. “Do I know you?”

“Maybe.” Loki said. Which struck Darcy as pretty unhelpful, but she’d finally managed to sort out Natasha’s mistakes and was ready to help her move forward.

“OK, this is knit two, purl two, right? OK, well, every time you switch between them you have to move the yarn between the needles. So bring it to the front when you purl and to the back when you knit. You were wrapping it round the whole work which was tangling it and restricting you. Like this. OK?”

Natasha experimentally and very slowly worked about ten stitches. “Yeah, I get it. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

In total there were around six in the class today. Darcy had to hide her glee at the group’s reaction to Loki.

“Darcy, you have a new young man in your life!”

“No, I don’t. He just works here. He’s new, be nice.”

“Ooh, it’s always good to have someone to boss around, isn’t it? You keep him in line, girl.”

“Yes, don’t worry, Peggy, I will.”

“You’re the boss around here, remember that. Never take any nonsense from anyone. Never. Or they’ll never stop with it. Could you cast on for me please, dear? My left hand isn’t quite behaving itself today.”

Loki kept himself busy, ferrying teas and coffees and trying to keep out of the way. Eventually he took himself off to the desk, book in hand, as Darcy flitted about explaining and demonstrating and assisting with various knitting problems. The rhythmic clicking of needles was surprisingly relaxing. Until the bell jingled.

“My god, Darcy, two men in one day! You can almost smell the testosterone.”

“Erm…” said the newcomer, rather taken aback. “Is Natasha here?”

Loki glanced up and immediately back down.

“Hey, Clint. Sit down, I’m nearly done with this row. It’s taking a while. This is so much slower than the other way.” Natasha was saying. And then Darcy was asking if Clint wanted a coffee and he was saying that yeah, he would actually.

Clint’s reaction to Loki both confused and intrigued Darcy. There was a flash in his eyes, surprise quickly giving way to bafflement, and he threw an arm protectively around Natasha.

“Hi.” He said suspiciously. “New job?”

“Evidently.” Loki said. “New girlfriend?”

Clint narrowed his eyes. “Didn’t expect to find you in a place like this.”

“Well, oddly enough, neither did I. But life is funny that way. You’re looking well.”

Clint didn’t reply, just downed his coffee and sat waiting for Natasha to finish before practically escorting her out.

“How do you know Darcy’s new assistant?” she asked as she gathered her things.

Clint paused. “We’re…old friends. It’s just been a while.”

Darcy was perplexed by this and dragged Loki into the office for an explanation as soon as her last participant left.

“What on earth was that about?”

“What?”

“You and Natasha’s boyfriend.”

“Nothing. Clint and I are just old friends, like he said.”

“Bullshit, that’s not how you react to old friends. What happened? No lies, just tell me.”

“Fine. We were friends. And then I slept with him. And his girlfriend of the time. And not…like…together. I slept with them at different times without the other knowing.”

“Oh. Well, that’s…not what I was expecting.”

“It would have been fine, but he had a crisis of conscience and confessed that he’d slept with someone else and so she confessed too and then they realized I’d been stringing them both along, and then suddenly they didn’t want to know me anymore. And then they broke up, I think. Trust issues.”

“That’s incredible.”

“I know, a threesome was the obvious way to go.”

“Not that! You! Who even does that?”

He shrugged. “What part of ‘Thor’s no-good younger brother’ didn’t you understand?”

“You seemed pretty upset at that label yesterday.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t true though. I’m not a good person, Darcy. Sorry, but I’m just not. You want monogamy and truth, you go to Thor. There’s a fuck up in every family and in ours it happens to be me.” He paused, weighing up her reaction. “I completely understand if you don’t want me to work here anymore.”

“No, no. It’s…it’s fine, what you do or have done in your private life is none of my business, it’s just… Both of them? You got both of them to cheat on each other with you? I’m just having trouble believing it.”

“I can be very persuasive.”

“Is that why Thor always lets you come back?”

She knew it was a mistake to say that even before it came out of her mouth. His tone changed abruptly.

“Thor doesn’t ‘let’ me do anything. I don’t need his permission for any of my decisions.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“You know nothing about us. Got that?”

She nodded and watched as his face softened.

“Sorry,” he said eventually. “I get defensive and it’s unnecessary. All you need to know is that we’re a mess. As a family, we’re a mess. And before you ask, no, I don’t want to talk about it. And neither does Thor.”

“I wasn’t going to ask, but OK. It’s off the agenda, I get it.”

She couldn’t help being curious though. How come Thor had never mentioned his brother before when it was so obvious he thought the world of him? It didn’t make sense.


	4. Chapter 4

It didn’t make sense for Clint to be at the Tuesday knitting class, but there he was.

“Natasha doesn’t come on Tuesdays.” Darcy said automatically.

“Actually, I want to learn to knit. She’s always saying how relaxing it is and I think it would be good for me. And I think we need more hobbies we do together.”

 _She doesn’t find it relaxing, she finds it cathartic and you clearly have no genuine desire for this but really want to keep an eye on Loki to make sure he doesn’t try to make a move on her,_ Darcy surmised. But if he was going to buy yarn and needles and patterns his motives were not an issue.

Clint wasn’t what you’d call a natural knitter. But he was determined and after a few false starts he was carefully making stitch after stitch.

“So that’s the knit stitch, and what you’re doing right now is called garter stitch, where everything is a knit stitch. Next time I’ll teach you purl. And everything is based on those two stitches.”

“There are only two stitches? Seriously?”

“Well…yeah, basically. Everything is just variations on those two in different orders. So for example this,” she held up a square of knitted fabric, “is made in stocking stitch.”

“Garters and stockings.” Clint smiled. “I like the terminology. What’s Natasha’s current project in? I want to surprise her by knowing the lingo.”

“She’s doing the hem of a sweater so it’s in rib stitch.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. Ribbed for her pleasure.”

Darcy was entirely unsurprised by the chuckles of the ladies around them, but judging from how he flushed Clint evidently thought it would have gone over their heads. She went to replenish everyone’s coffee and found Loki skulking in the back room. She hadn’t ever seen skulking in real life before, but that’s definitely what he was doing.

“You know he’s just here to make sure I don’t sleep with his girlfriend, right? He can’t tell her not to come to knit class without revealing our sordid history so instead he’s going to creepily keep an eye on her. On me, rather.”

“Well, if you didn’t want to get a reputation as someone who sleeps with other people’s girlfriends maybe you shouldn’t have slept with other people’s girlfriends.”

“You make a valid point, but I slept with him as well. I am an equal opportunities cheater.”

“Might not want to sound so proud of that. Anyway, he’s buying stuff from me so I don’t care why he’s really here.”

“Then you should be thanking me, clearly.”

“What?”

“If I hadn’t slept with Clint and his girlfriend, they wouldn’t have broken up, he wouldn’t be with Natasha and uncomfortable about my employment here therefore he wouldn’t be here now spending money under false pretense. I deserve a raise.”

“I’m not going to give you a raise for having previously broken up a couple by somehow convincing both of them to sleep with you.”

“It was worth a shot.”

She laughed. It had barely been a week but she found that she actually liked having Loki around. It was nice to have someone to talk to. And she was getting a lot of paperwork done in the days without classes to run. She could even see patches of clean desk now.

“Come have a coffee with us.” she suggested. “Sit down with actual people.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea with Clint there.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll sit between you. There will be no fighting in my store.”

He reluctantly agreed but still sat as far from Clint as possible. Neither of them acknowledged the other in any way until Peggy chastised Loki for not participating.

“I’m afraid I don’t think the craft is for me.” he said.

“Are you worried about your masculinity? What nonsense. That other young man isn’t concerned.”

“Oh, I know. Clint never worries that anything might threaten his masculinity. He’s very secure. It’s one of the things I most admire in him.”

Clint dropped about three stitches.

Darcy kicked Loki under the table but he was apparently listening intently to Peggy who was explaining how knitting is often used as occupational therapy. She’d set up a group for returning soldiers immediately after the war and it was amazing the difference it had made to their lives.

“Weird that knitting is the most stressful activity ever when you make a mistake then.” Darcy said.

“Why do you do it, if you find it so infuriating?” Loki asked.

She blinked a few times. “Because… you get to see something take shape under your hands. You take a long string and using a couple of sticks and your own skill you can make a whole sweater or a scarf or something. You make something out of almost nothing. It’s like magic, it just… It feels good to create things using just your hands and your cleverness.”

He seemed satisfied with that answer.

“Of course when you make mistakes and have to start over it’s pretty much the worst thing in the world but… The good things make up for it. And the more you do the better you get at it and then you make fewer mistakes and you can start to have fun with it and make more complex things.”

“Sounds like a metaphor for something, but damned if I know what.” Clint said.

And Loki laughed.  It was the first time he’d actually responded to Clint personally. There was an awkward moment when their eyes met, Loki still smiling. Clint looked away.

“You should really just talk to him, you know?” Darcy said later as they cleared the shop floor.

“Who?”

“Who do you think? Clint.”

“And say what?”

“I don’t know. Apologize maybe? But if you could stop being super awkward in my store that would be great.”

“No.”

“Oh, come on! It’s horrible being there when I know what’s going on and I have to act like I don’t.”

Loki sighed. “I’ll text him and see if he wants to hear my apology. Happy?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

Jane was so right. Darcy was exactly what Loki needed, clearly. Someone to help him out, show him a new way to live, encourage him to turn over a new leaf…

This feeling of pride lasted about three weeks. During this time she managed to clear the paperwork back to manageable levels, convinced Loki to build bridges with Clint, who continued to come to knit class with Natasha, creating a generally pleasant atmosphere which was shattered the day Darcy was finally getting to sit down and do some work on her own project and felt the distinct rub of a foot up the back of her calf.

She inhaled sharply and moved her leg away. Loki started.

“Loki, I think you need to help me with coffees. Now.”

She was fuming. _How dare he? How dare he?! I’m his boss and he…_

“In my defense, I wasn’t aiming for you.” he muttered in the safety of the storeroom.

_Oh. Well._

“But if you… Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me… Natasha? Really?”

He seemed genuinely surprised. “Um. No.”            

She took a second. “Clint? Again? Jesus Christ, Loki! His girlfriend is sitting right next to me!”

“They’re not exclusive. We talked it over.”

“I do not care! I can’t tell you how little I care! You can’t hit on someone when their girlfriend is in the same room, that’s just…”

“Bad manners?”

She stared at him. “You are unbelievable.”

She moved to return to the table but he gripped her arm.

“Coffees, remember? It would look highly suspicious if we come back without them, and I’d hate Clint to get the wrong idea about us.”

“Amazing. Truly, I am astonished.”

She kept an eye on him for the next two weeks. She knew he was spending time with Clint and sometimes Clint and Natasha (but never just Natasha) after work, but if it wasn’t happening in her store she grudgingly supposed it was none of her business.

And Loki was good at this job. He was charming to customers, helpful even. He seemed to know exactly when bringing her a coffee would be a good idea. He kept an eye on stock, he organized receipts, his balances were never off. After three months she was amazed she ever tried to run the place alone. Between them they covered everything.

Jane was only moderately smug that her plan had worked out so well. She never dropped into the store anymore, and Thor didn’t either. Darcy assumed there’d been a conversation or six and that they’d decided to give Loki some space.

“It is going well though, right?” Jane said over wine on one of their regular girls’ nights.

“It is, it’s going very well. Since Aunt Connie really can’t do it anymore. But she seems to like her new place in the retirement home. The paperwork transferring the business to me went through last week.”

“Congratulations, business owner! Wow, CEO of the Yarn Barn. Aren’t you glad that you have such a wise best friend? You needed help, he needed help, I needed him not to be causing my boyfriend to worry himself ragged, everyone wins.”

“Do you know what the deal is? Between those two? I accidentally mentioned Thor a few days ago and Loki didn’t talk to me for three hours.”

Jane shrugged. “Thor doesn’t like to talk about it much. I’m not sure that I should tell you. I’m not sure that I should know really. I think he regrets telling me.”

“Well, I don’t want to know if it’s, like, a secret; that seems unfair.”

Jane took a moment to consider before she spoke again.

“Look, this is just to make sure you don’t accidentally say something hurtful without knowing. The short version is that they’re not really brothers. Loki’s adopted. And he didn’t know until he was 16 or so and he just… flipped out about it. Ran away constantly, became completely unpredictable and uncontrollable. He went off the rails in a big way and Thor’s been running around after him trying to pick him back up ever since. And every time he manages it, Loki goes off again. It’s like he enjoys making Thor suffer. Like he blames him somehow.”

“For not telling him earlier?”

“Well, Thor didn’t know either. He was too young to remember. But… I don’t know. I don’t know why they fight anymore. It’s like it’s habit or something. But hey, maybe this time it’ll work out. Sometimes Loki even answers Thor’s calls these days.”

“I think he wants things to change. Really. He was difficult at first but I think he’s really starting to move forward. You and Thor should drop in some time, or maybe just Thor by himself and we can let them talk face to face.”

“Maybe. If we remove all the needles first. Pointy objects are not a good idea.”

“Look at us, we’re like mediators. If your studies go wrong we should start a family help clinic. You don’t need qualifications to do that, right?”

“What about the yarn emporium?”

“Loki can run it. And I’ll sit back and rake in the profits. Go on vacation, I can probably afford the bus fare somewhere…”

Jane laughed. “You’d really trust him to keep the place going?”

Darcy considered this. “Yes, I would. He’s actually pretty hard working. I mean, I wouldn’t trust him with a lot of other things, but he has this down.”

“Well. I just hope your trust is not misplaced.”


	5. Chapter 5

Darcy arrived an hour before the store was due to open on a Monday morning. Loki wasn’t on the shop floor. This was unusual. He was normally checking on things or reading, with the coffee machine gently murmuring behind him. Once he’d even gone out and got pastries for breakfast.

Maybe he’d slept in.

She climbed the stairs and tried the door to the apartment. It was unlocked. She moved between the towers of cardboard boxes towards the bedroom.

The door was open and Loki was…

He was…

Naked on his back, hair fanned out over the pillow, with his legs wrapped around another man who was kissing him and running his hands all over him and…

_Oh my god, they’re definitely… Yup, OK, I am seeing full-on penetrative gay sex, I am accidently voyeuring my employee and that’s not even a word, shit, fucking… PENISES…_

She was still standing practically in the doorway, too shocked to move, when Loki’s eyes opened. He spotted her immediately, his eyes widening even as he continued kissing the man on top of him. And then he definitely winked at her and bucked his hips up, causing his partner to growl.

“Somebody’s eager this morning…”

“Get on with it already…”

“Say ‘Please’.”

Loki whined. “Fuck me. Now.”

“That’ll do.”

And Loki was laughing, and as the other man bent to kiss at his neck he was looking at Darcy, his pupils blown in his shining eyes, teeth sinking into his lower lip and suddenly the other man started to move, sharp, fast, hard, and Loki was throwing his head back and _screaming_ …

Darcy fled.

His cries followed her down the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

Darcy didn’t know what to do with herself. She paced the shop floor, her heart hammering in her chest.

_He knew I was there, he didn’t care, he wanted me to see, he was performing for me…_

She heard the shower start up about five minutes later. Somehow her hands had found some knitting and were working on autopilot. By the time Loki came downstairs, his hair still damp, she’d worked about five rows.

“Isn’t that meant to be in stocking stitch?”

She gazed at her work as though seeing it for the first time, knit rows where there ought to be purls. “Yeah, well… Wait, I thought you didn’t care about knitting.”

He shrugged. “I’ve been surrounded by it for a while now. I listen. I pick things up here and there.”

There were footsteps on the stairs. Loki’s bed partner came into the room. He seemed surprised to see her.

“Er… hey! I’m Tony, I’m a friend of Loki’s…”

“Darcy. I’m his boss, I guess.” _And definitely not thinking of the fact that I literally just saw you pounding him into the mattress upstairs._

“Ha, good luck with that. This one never misses an opportunity to misbehave.”

_Oh god, please can you not make even vaguely suggestive comments around me, I’ve seen your dick and you don’t know that I’ve seen your dick…_

“Anyway,” he said, smiling. “I’ll be late for work if I don’t head off. Catch you later, Lokes.”

He left. Darcy felt like she hadn’t been breathing the whole time he was there. Loki meanwhile was practically humming to himself as he started up the coffee machine.

_How is he so calm about this?_

“I’m…er…” she began. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Before. When I…y’know… saw things I shouldn’t have seen. I shouldn’t have gone up there, I thought that maybe you’d slept in and I… I’m sorry, it wasn’t right to infringe your privacy like that.”

He laughed. The bastard actually laughed at her. “I thought I made it blatantly obvious that I didn’t mind. I’ve got a bit of an exhibitionist streak in me, along with a few other things. Quite a lot of other things, actually. I thought for a moment that you might have wanted to join us. You could have done, Tony would have been up for that.”

And now that image was in her head. _Lying under Loki, feeling his laughter ghosting over her skin, how he would touch her and she would leave scratch marks down his back and watch as he tilted his head up to take Tony’s cock in his mouth, the rhythm of his thrusts into her never altering at all, pleasing both lovers like it was the simplest thing in the world._

She swallowed thickly.

“So… does this mean you and Clint aren’t a thing anymore?”

“No, Clint and I are still a thing. I’m a thing with a lot of people.”

“Do they know that? They know that you’re a thing with other people too?”

He made a non-committal noise. “Tony knows. Clint suspects. Some of the others probably know, or assume. I don’t try to keep it a secret but I don’t exactly bring it up either.”

“…Are… are you and Natasha a thing?”

“Not yet. We might be at some point. I’m working on it, slowly. I haven’t told her about me and Clint. It’s not my place to do that. And I feel like maybe I should ask him first this time…”

_I am dreaming; none of this has happened. No one is actually like this. He’s making fun of me._

“So do you have any friends you don’t have sex with?”

“Well, there’s you, but I pretty much just propositioned you so…” She stared at him. “Jesus, Darcy, I’m kidding. Of course I have friends I don’t have sex with. I’m not some kind of insatiable nymphomaniac it’s just… I don’t know, sex isn’t that big a deal for me. I fuck whoever I want and I’m pretty open about that. Evidently. I get comfortable around someone and then I ask and either we do or we don’t. No feelings involved. Feelings aren’t worth it.”

_That’s…God that’s kinda sad._

But she didn’t have a chance to consider this further because at that point the bell above the door jingled.

“We’re not actually open for another 20 minutes,” she said turning.

Thor stood sheepishly in the doorway. Loki glowered at him.

“I’ll just… I’ll… I have some stuff to do in the office.” Darcy stammered. She tried in vain not to listen in to their conversation.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Thor was saying.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You took off pretty suddenly last night. Without saying anything, you just suddenly weren’t there. We were worried.”

A sniff from Loki. “I had a better offer.”

Awkward pause. “Who was it?”

“None of your business!”

“So I know them, then?”

“Maybe. I don’t keep track of your acquaintances.”

Thor sighed. “Look, I know it’s nothing to do with me but I… I always worry that you’re going to get hurt. Just… think about it.”

“You wouldn’t understand, Thor.”

“Try me.”

“No. Seriously. You wouldn’t understand. Now, if you don’t mind, I have work to do. Yarn to move, needles to unpack… You know where the door is.”

Another pause. “Come for dinner next week. I’ll cook.”

“What, so you can make sure I don’t leave by locking the door?”

“Jesus, Loki!”

“What? It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve locked me up. Don’t you remember that time I climbed out the bathroom window?” After what seemed like hours he asked, apparently nonchalantly, “Will Jane be there?”

“She doesn’t have to be.”

“She doesn’t like me.”

“You don’t like her.”

“Yeah, because she doesn’t like me.”

“Chicken and egg. Will you though? Just you and me, and I promise the door will be unlocked? Please?”

“If it will get you to leave, I’ll try to fit you into my busy schedule.”

“Thanks. It means a lot. It’s been ages since we’ve seen so much of each other. It’s… nice.”

“Anything for your happiness, brother dear.”

“I’ll call you tonight.”

The bell rang. Darcy came out of her hiding place, trying to act as though she’d heard absolutely nothing and was just going to pour out coffee as usual. Loki ran his hands down his face.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I wasn’t going to ask.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t.”

Darcy hated herself for calling Jane when Loki went out for lunch, but her curiosity was too strong.

“Thor dropped by this morning. What happened last night?”

“We went for drinks. It was nice, then it was awkward, then Loki vanished. Thor was really upset. It was awful. Please punish Loki for me.”

“No. I’m not getting involved in this nonsense. I’ll see you next week when they’re having brothers only dinner at your place.”

“What brothers only dinner?”

“…Call Thor.”


	7. Chapter 7

She never asked how the dinner went. Life in the Yarn Barn continued as usual. Aunt Connie was even well enough that she could come to some of the knitting classes and meet up with her old friend Peggy. They gossiped and joked about the old days. It seemed they’d coincidentally dated the same guy at different times. Or maybe it was two friends. They were a little foggy on the details.

Natasha finally finished her sweater and announced that she would never be seen dead in it. She and Clint were definitely both sleeping with Loki now. Darcy found out about it when she came in to work to find Natasha already present and asking if Darcy had deodorant with her so she wouldn’t have to spend the whole day “smelling like boy”.

Loki was ridiculously smug the first morning both Clint and Natasha were sitting in the store.

“Would you like a cake?” Darcy asked him jokingly in the back room.  “I’ll get one specially made for you with ‘Yay on the Threesome, Lokes!’ written in the icing.”

“I knew it would happen, it was just a matter of time. And the right girl. Bobbi, no; Natasha, oh, so very much yes.”

“Who’s Bobbi?”

“Clint’s ex. That ex. If you could not mention her that’d be great.”

Natasha and Clint began to delight in teasing Darcy.

“It’s nice to be able to use my hands finally,” Clint would say. “But that mohair scarf has really irritated my wrists. Can we use something softer next time? Merino maybe?”

And Darcy could just picture it. _Clint restrained by a surprisingly complex bind, straining against it but totally helpless, left only to watch as Natasha and Loki did whatever they wanted to one another and probably told him exactly what they were doing and just how it felt and maybe from time to time one of them would reach over and give him just a little attention, just to keep him hard and wanting and eventually once they’d both come without him at least three times they’d both move on to Clint, stroking and kissing and sucking but never quite giving him enough, maybe they’d even blindfold him and just tell him everything they were going to do to him, until he couldn’t take it anymore and was begging them to just let him out and come already but they wouldn’t, not until he asked them nicely…_

“I’ll start on a new scarf. In purple, just for you. I could do three interlocking cables on it. Get it? Symbolism.” Natasha said. “Hey Loki, any chance of getting some DPs?”

Loki choked into his coffee. “What?”

“Double pointers,” Darcy said, exasperatedly. “Double pointed needles. These things. You use them to knit in circles and they can be useful for cabling.” She threw a packet over.

“Oh, right. I thought you meant… Never mind.”

“Oh, we can do that too, later.” Natasha said as she caught the needles. “Seriously, we should definitely do that some time.”

_Clint would be on the bed on his back with Natasha and Loki above him, he could easily hold the weight of them both and she’d be taking them together, panting and begging and so overly full, but they’d be so gentle with her, as she leant down to kiss Clint, twisted her head back to kiss Loki, all of them forgetting where they ended and the others began, just sweat and flesh and moans and…_

“I am still in the room, you know?” Darcy said, trying to ignore the images running through her head. “Plan your torrid sexual escapades by text or something…”

The three of them practically cackled.

“The knitting is really comforting this morning,” Clint said. “It’s nice to do something…gentle for a change.”

_Scratch marks all down his back, bite marks across his shoulders, bruises on his hips, no idea who put them there and knowing it was probably both of them, marking and claiming him as their own…_

“Yeah, and once you’re done you just turn over and you’re good to go again.”

_Even when one of them was satiated, if someone wasn’t quite done they could roll to the other, be welcomed in their arms and by their hands and mouth and everything by which time sleepyhead first partner might be ready to go again, it would be like a dance between them all, moving from lover to lover seamlessly…_

Darcy took refuge in the office. Victory was theirs.

But it seemed to work, this weird set up.

She couldn’t figure out how, but it did.

Though she did find herself avoiding mentioning Thor around Loki, and therefore Jane by association. She was going to see ‘a friend’ tonight, not Jane. Loki’s phone would ring, he’d look at it and not answer and she knew it was Thor but never questioned him. It became routine. People would ask how he’d ended up working in the yarn store and Darcy would say he was a friend of a friend. Which was technically true. Just not as true as ‘he is my best friend’s boyfriend’s adoptive self-destructive brother’ would have been.

She wasn’t even sure about the ‘self-destructive’ part anymore. He wasn’t as emaciated as he had been when they’d first met. He was more inclined to laugh these days, sometimes he drank tea instead of his regular coffee, and he even seemed to be getting enough sleep somehow, despite all his nocturnal activities.

There were still days when strange people would come down the stairs before the store opened, either hurriedly rushing past Darcy without making eye contact or, in the case of Tony in particular, hanging out for several hours making slightly inappropriate jokes and drinking all the coffee.

She still occasionally thought about Loki’s offer. She sometimes thought about just straight out asking if he wanted to sleep with her.

She thought maybe he did.

And she couldn’t decide if she wanted it or not.

“No feelings”, he had said.

Sometimes that seemed really tempting.

Sometimes she wanted to let him boss her around a bit, for a change, for mutual gratification.

Sometimes she wanted to be the one in charge and tie him to the bed and make him understand just how frustrated he made her.

But then she thought about those ideas and decided against them. Emotionally she needed more than Loki would be able to give her and she didn’t trust herself not to develop overly strong feelings even if she tried.

So she ignored any sounds coming from his apartment in the mornings, be they groans or cries or sometimes just rhythmic creaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You never know, one day I might write the Clint/Loki/Natasha misuse-of-scarves-and-knitting-terminology threesome properly.


	8. Chapter 8

There was one occasion in particular that would never quite leave her mind. No matter how much she might have wanted it to.

She’d had to go out of the store and when she came back Loki was sitting reading behind the cash register desk as usual but he seemed on edge.

“You ok?”

“Hmmm? Yeah.”

“I don’t know you seem a bit flushed. Are you coming down with something?”

“Nnnno.”

She frowned at him. He was looking at his book but his eyes weren’t moving. His breathing was hitching and heavy, she’d almost say he was…

_Oh, no. Not in my store, not in my fucking store…_

“Are you…?”

“…What?”

_No, that’s stupid, he couldn’t be jerking off in the store, not when I’m standing right here, even he would have stopped when I came in…_

She suddenly realized both his hands were above the desk.

Without giving warning she pushed herself up on the edge to lean over it, even as Loki squeaked indignantly, and was greeted by the sight of the top of Clint’s head.

He glanced upwards, his eyes flicking up to hers and if it were possible to guiltily slurp your way off a cock, Clint managed it.

“Hey…” he said, somehow managing to smile as he tried to wipe his chin.

“Really?” Darcy demanded, as she lowered herself to the floor once more, getting Clint out of her sight. “Really?! During work time? This close to the yarn? My god, if you get… if you get any substance of any kind on the alpaca I will personally kill you.”

“Relax, Darce, he always swallows…”

“Things I really didn’t need to know, Loki! You know how normal people have boundaries and such? This is one of mine. I wouldn’t have thought ‘please don’t get sucked off under the desk during your shift’ would have to be an actual spoken specific rule, but apparently it does. What if a customer had come in?”

“It’s Thursday. We never have customers on Thursdays. And in the extremely unlikely event that someone came in, I’d have just dealt with it. Contrary to popular belief, men can multitask.”

“No one can multitask that well. No one can multitask while also having someone’s tongue on their genitals. It tends to focus the mind somewhat, in my experience.”

“Well, I’ve managed to have this entire conversation with you, clearly I’m more capable than you think.”

“Jesus! Clint, fucking...stop!”

Loki burst out laughing. “I’m kidding, of course he’s not… Clint, get up, we’ll reconvene later. With Natasha.”

“Reconvene?” Clint said, popping up from behind the desk.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with that?” And Darcy was absolutely not noticing Loki definitely tucking his cock back into his pants as he spoke.

“Sounds a bit… I don’t know. Formal?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had someone call me ‘sir’. If you don’t mind, boss, I’ll take my lunch break now.”

Darcy sighed. “I don’t think you deserve it, but frankly I’ll be glad of an hour to get that image out of my head so OK.”

There was no way she was sitting on that chair. Instead she went to fetch the one from the office. Clint was still standing awkwardly by the desk, while Loki had gone upstairs to get his wallet, still laughing as he went.

“Sorry about that.”

“Yeah. Well. So you should be.”

“You… um… you didn’t seem…” Clint began.

“What?” Darcy asked, trying to move the offending article of furniture without actually touching it.

“You didn’t seem shocked to see Loki’s cock…” he mumbled.

“Oh. Yeah. Well, I’ve kinda… seen it before.” _And isn’t this the most horribly uncomfortable conversation?_

“So that means you and him, you…y’know…”

“What? Oh, no. God, no.”

“You can tell me. We know he sleeps with other people, not just Tasha and me. We talked about it and agreed; none of us have to be exclusive with the other two. It doesn’t bother us.”

“Other people, yeah. Not me.”

“Huh. Why not? You seem to like each other well enough.”

 “We just don’t see each other that way.” she lied. “He’s like a brother to me.”

Loki reappeared in time to hear her last comment and frowned at her, like she’d offended him in some way, told a secret without permission. But the odd look passed over his face in a second, so briefly that she almost thought she’d imagined it.

Darcy was probably suspecting something then, if she thought about it. But she knew for sure a month and a half later when Loki called her in the middle of the night, drunk, having mislaid his keys.


	9. Chapter 9

“Hello?” she tried to focus. Her alarm clock showed twenty past three in the morning.

“S’me. Can’t get in. Can you come get me please?”

“God, Loki. Do you know what time it is?”

“Can’t get in, Darcy… No keys. Please. Help me.”

She sighed. “Fine. I’m on my way. Stay there.”

When she arrived twenty minutes later, he was sitting dejectedly in the doorway. No jacket, just a shirt. She was amazed he wasn’t shivering. She pulled him to his feet and unlocked the door, almost dragging him in.

“What happened to you?” she asked, conversationally, as though nothing about this situation was unusual.

“Nothing…” he said, concentrating on walking in a straight line.

She maneuvered him carefully up the stairs, making sure he didn’t stumble, and led him to his bedroom through the towers of boxes. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to fall over she went to get him a large glass of water.

“Here, drink this.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Trust me, you’ll thank me in the morning.”

He grumpily gulped it down. She went to refill it and returned to find him sitting on the edge of his bed with tears slowly running down his cheeks.

“Hey,” she said, placing the glass down on the nightstand. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. You’re OK.”

He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, sobbing now. She enveloped his head in her arms, cradling it as she felt him shake with the force of his crying. Eventually the attack subsided and he pulled away to look up at her, eyes bloodshot, face streaked with tears and her arms still draped around his neck.

In a second he was standing, pulling her fiercely into a kiss, all breathless and hot, his hands tangling in her hair. _Let go_ , one part of her brain said, _Give in, it will be easier like this_. _Let him._

 _No_ , said her more sensible side. She pulled away.

“Loki, you’re drunk. You don’t want this.”

He refused to release her from his embrace and nuzzled desperately against her neck. “I do. Want you, Darcy. Want you so badly.”

Her treacherous mind spoke up again. _You want it too. You want him. Just this once, don’t even think about it, just let it happen…_

“Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t sleep with drunk people. You probably won’t even remember this.”

And part of her suspected _he won’t mind, he won’t even care, he probably does this all the time, gets home drunk and calls someone and they would come and…_

_No. Not me._

It didn’t matter that he wouldn’t mind. She minded. And if she wouldn’t ask him sober she certainly wasn’t taking him drunk.

“You need to let go of me now. Time for bed. Got to sleep now, Loki.”

He hugged her closer. “Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. You’re OK, I won’t. Just get into bed, I promise I won’t go.”

It took her a while but eventually she managed to get him out of his shirt (but not his pants, that was just asking for trouble) and into his bed and she was almost at the door, then she could go home and go back to sleep…

“No. You said you wouldn’t leave. You promised. Come back.”

Reluctantly she returned to his bed. He rolled across to the other side and insisted she climb in next to him.

_Just until he falls asleep._

Of course then he wrapped his arms around her and drifted off with her held tightly to his chest.

 _Typical_.

She tried to decide if trying to escape would be worth risking waking him or if just this once she could sleep fully-clothed in her employee’s bed without that being weird in the morning.

She moved experimentally. One of his hands instinctively gripped her sleeve.

“Thor…” he murmured in his sleep.

_OK, that was weird._

A sudden sickness pooled in her stomach. ‘Thor’. Not ‘Tony’ or ‘Clint’ or ‘Tasha’ or any of the other people she knew had been here, in this bed, with Loki, over the past six months. Not even ‘Darcy’.

‘Thor’. That’s who he was thinking of, clinging to in the darkness.

She made another attempt at extricating herself from him grasp. This time his eyes opened in fear but instantly softened when he managed to focus on her.

“Darcy…” he whispered, his lips brushing against her temple. “Sweet Darcy. You won’t judge me though…”

“Judge you for what?” she whispered back.

“Promise you won’t judge me.”

“I promise. I swear. But what are you talking about?”

He groaned as though in pain. “You know. You know what.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s Thor, isn’t it?”

There was a long pause followed by a sigh. “It’s always been Thor. Forever. It’s always been him, no one else. I love him.”

_Is he telling me what I think he’s telling me?_

“Well. He’s your brother, I would hope that you lo-”

“Noooo... Darcyyyy.” _Is he somehow getting drunker?_

“No, what?”

“…Not my brother.  He’s not. S’OK _because_ he’s not. But not OK because he is…”

“Sweetie. You are not making any sense, just go to sleep now and we’ll talk about this in the morning.”

“It does make sense. It does.” he grumbled. Soon enough she heard his breathing even out.

She didn’t try to leave again. 


	10. Chapter 10

She woke with mild panic the next day, wondering why she was in a strange bed. Then the events of the night before came back to her.

Loki was still sleeping but he’d finally released her from his death grip. If she just moved slowly she could get downstairs and it would be just like she’d come into work as usual and they wouldn’t have to talk about this…

Loki’s phone rang. He practically threw it against the wall and lay staring at the ceiling for a moment. Then he turned his head to the side, meeting her gaze.

“Darcy?”

“Yeah.”

“We didn’t…”

“No. No, it’s OK. Look, still wearing all my clothes and everything!”

“…I remember kissing you.”

“Ah. Yes. You did that. But then you agreed to go to bed. As long as I stayed here with you, but that’s all. So we slept together but we didn’t _sleep together_. If I hadn’t taken my jacket off when I came in I’d probably still be wearing it.”

“Was I saying…strange things?”

“Yeah, but you were drunk. Everyone says strange things when they’re drunk, I was barely paying attention.”

He scrutinized her face. “You’re lying. What did I say?”

“Nothing. Honestly, you were totally wasted, it was nothing.”

“What did I say?”

She sighed. “You said…you made me promise that I wouldn’t judge you. And I said I wouldn’t. And you said something about loving Thor and I was like, well, yeah, duh, he’s your brother, and you said that he wasn’t and that’s why everything made sense but that he was and so it wasn’t OK. Like I said, you were completely out of it.”

He stared at her for a long time, to the point where she became uncomfortable.

“You know,” he said quietly. “You know what I meant.”

 _Might as well get this over with_.

“OK, fine, I know he’s not really your brother. Jane told me about you being adopted and everything and how that’s not something either of you like to talk about and it was totally inappropriate of me to pry into your life like that, and I’m very sorry. But it’s honestly not a big deal.”

“Thor doesn’t like to talk about it. I’d shout it from the rooftops. ‘These people are not my blood and he is not my brother.’”

“But… but why would you do that? Just because you’re not biologically linked, they’re still your family and he’s still your brother. They love you. Thor loves you.”

Loki grimaced. “And right there, you have my entire problem.” He rolled over to his side, away from her.

She’d be lying if she said the thought hadn’t passed through her mind the night before. And she was going to say it, even though it was going to hurt.

“When you said you loved him…you didn’t mean like a brother. You… _love_ love him.”

There was a gut-wrenching silence before he finally spoke again, still not looking at her.

“Can you imagine what it was like? Of course I love him, I always loved him and I thought that was OK because you’re supposed to love your siblings but then… Do you have brothers? Sisters?”

“No.”

“Cousins?”

“Yeah, I have those.”

“That’ll do. OK, imagine that suddenly you realize that every time your cousin touches you, every time he comes near you, your heart beats faster and you get butterflies. That when you go camping together and he puts his arm round you in the night, just automatically, you want to roll over and grab his face and kiss him. That one day you’re jerking off and you realize you’re thinking about _him_ … Him specifically, him being there, him kissing you and holding you and you know that it’s wrong, it’s so wrong because you’re family. Imagine that you sometimes smell his clothes because it’s all him, that whenever he goes out you sneak into his room and into his bed and it’s all him and his and…”

He took a few shuddering breaths.

“Imagine how it felt when he brought his first girlfriend home. And I could hear them through the wall. Laughing together and then kissing and sex and… It should have been me. He was mine, it wasn’t _fair_ …” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I used to… I used to get off to hearing him with other people and pretend that it was me he was saying those things to. When I’d hear him say ‘You’re perfect’ or ‘I want you’ or ‘Please, please, I need you’. And I knew that he’d never say those things to me and that I was wrong to want them. And then, after so long thinking I was disgusting and depraved to want my own flesh, they told me that I was adopted. That it wasn’t me, I wasn’t wrong.”

He turned over to stare her in the face.

“Do you understand? It wasn’t my fault. It was theirs. If they hadn’t adopted me, we wouldn’t be brothers and he would have been mine.”

Darcy shook her head.

“Loki… You can’t know that. You might never have even met Thor, you might have met someone else and been perfectly happy.”

“No. I know this. It’s him. It’s always been him, it was always going to be him. But I can’t have him. Ever.”

“Scaring me a little with the whole ‘pre-destination’ thing now.”

He chuckled and winced. “I should be more hungover than I am. I think I might still be drunk right now, Darcy.”

“You just confessed your love for your adoptive brother to me. I sort of got the whole drunk thing. What did you even do last night?”

“Well, I was with Thor and that was my first mistake. Actually it was going surprisingly well, we were having a good time. And then… then Jane got home. And she’d been out somewhere and she was a little bit tipsy and she just… came in and draped herself into Thor’s lap so easily and she was playing with his hair and touching him and I’d had too much wine anyway and I realized I had to get out or I’d do something stupid. It wouldn’t have been the first time I have.”

“What do you mean, ‘something stupid’? Like… fight with him?”

“No, nothing like that. But like… Thor’s first girlfriend I mentioned before? Girl called Sif. They were always together. I was so jealous of her. I didn’t know what to do about it. I was about… fourteen. Thor was seventeen, eighteen maybe. And I snapped one day, snuck up behind her outside school and cut off her ponytail. I ran home so fast, she never knew it was me. No one ever knew it was me.”

“My god, that’s insane.” Darcy tried to stifle a laugh.

“Oh, I know. I felt insanely guilty about it, if that helps. I was so sure that Thor could see into my head and knew what I’d done and that he’d punish me for it somehow. Sif actually took to having short hair quite well. It suited her. Typical. I saw her a couple of years ago actually and she was still wearing it like that.”

“By ‘saw’ do you mean ‘slept with’?”

“Yeah. My brother’s ex. It was like bad porn. ‘You were always such a sweet boy, but, my, Loki… How you’ve grown, in more ways than one, ooh, so sexual prowess runs in the family’, etc. etc...”

Darcy was unwilling to let him drift back into the past. “Right, so, Jane shows up, gets cuddly and not seeing a chance for any impromptu haircuts you just… left?”

“As soon as Thor’s back was turned. Didn’t even stop to get my coat. Which had my keys in it. I had my wallet though, which is how I ended up significantly drunker and I imagine significantly poorer… And somehow, by means I don’t recall, I ended up here and you ended up fully-clothed in my bed and I ended up telling you that I love my brother.”

Darcy’s phone rang from her jacket in the hall. She got up to answer it. Thor.

“Hello?”

“Darcy? It’s Thor. Have… Have you seen Loki? He’s not answering his phone.” He sounded frantic.

“Yes, Thor, he’s here. He’s fine, calm down.”

“He went home?”

“Yes, he’s… I’m with him, he’s fine. I mean, he’s a bit hungover but otherwise he’s fine.”

“Why did he… Uh… No, you know what, it’s fine. Tell him I’m glad he’s alright. And that I’ll bring his keys round later.”

“OK. Bye.”

Loki was sitting up and had found the glass of water she’d left out the night before.

“Thor?” he asked.

“Yeah. He says has your keys, he’ll return them later, and that he’s glad you’re OK.”

Loki nodded his lack of surprise as she sat down on the other half of the bed.

“Have you ever… Actually, no. Silly question.”

“What? Darcy, what?”

“Have you ever…told him how you feel?”

“Have I ever told my perfect, golden, adoptive brother that I’m horribly, disgustingly in love with him and have been since we were teenagers when I thought we were biologically related? Have I done the stupidest thing it would be possible to do? Look at me. Of course I fucking have…”

“And?”

“And nothing. For one thing I was drunk, not black-out drunk but bad enough, and I was staying with him at the time. We were maybe… twenty-three and twenty-six, it was only a few years ago. I got in, late at night and I decided I’d had enough of pretending. I’d known or suspected that I was in love with him for ten years or so by that point so I snuck into his room, got naked – yes, I know, I was an idiot, don’t you dare laugh – and crawled in next to him. It was dark, he was sleepy and we…”

“Oh my god! You didn’t sleep with him?!”

“Chance would have been a fine thing… No, I snuggled in to his back, sniffing his hair in a moderately creepy fashion, kissing his shoulders and he rolled over and starts kissing me back. And I’m like ‘Well, this is unexpected’ so I really go for it, there’s touching and tongue and all of that, I roll him onto his back so I’m straddling him now, and he’s still got his eyes closed and he mumbles that he loves me and I’m practically crying at this point, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, all my dreams are coming fucking true and so I lean in and kiss him again and it all comes tumbling out, ‘I love you too, Thor, I’ve always loved you, I’ve never really wanted anyone else, blah blah blah…’ and he groans and I’m steadily moving south now, I’m thinking that we’re on the same page, I get my hands on his boxers to get rid of them but then he opens his eyes and he’s all ‘Loki?! Jesus!’ and he’s shoving me off and I realize that he was mostly asleep and dreaming of someone else, God knows who. Not me anyway. And it was like… I don’t want to say it was like having my heart shattered because that’s so clichéd, but it really was kinda like having my heart shattered. And so I pretended that I was even drunker than I was and that I’d made an honest mistake and he was all big brother about it and helped me back to his couch and I grabbed my things and took off first thing in the morning. No idea where to go, just running. I didn’t see him again for two years.”

“Wow.” Darcy wasn’t sure what else to say. “Do you think he believed you?”

“Not for a second. But I think he pretends he did. I think it probably helps him sleep at night to pretend he doesn’t know. And that’s probably why he always lets me come crawling back. And then he does everything he can think of to make me stay. Like locking me in.”

“Did he really do that?”

“Yeah. Once. It wasn’t malicious, really. He was desperate. We had a fight and when he realized I was going to leave he locked the door, so I locked myself in the bathroom. And he stood outside the door begging me to come out and that we could talk it out, pleading with me. He was still going when I climbed out the window. I came back after two days that time though. I had to. I’d left all my stuff.” He paused for a while, staring at the ceiling. “He blames himself, like it’s something he’s done and not just me being unable to let him go. Anyway, so that’s why I can’t stand to be around him, that’s why I can’t stand to be around Jane. I don’t hate her, not really. It’s not her fault. She makes him happy and I love that he’s happy. I just wish he could be happy with me. And that’s why I don’t get feelings for anyone else. All my feelings are used up by him.”

“Do you think you’ve ever done that before? Said his name in your sleep?”

“Probably.”

“What do you do about it?”

“Well… 90% of the people who share my bed don’t know I have a brother. I guess they just assume it’s a random guy that I’m hung up on.”

“And… when you sleep with other people… you pretend they’re Thor?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes I pretend that I’m Thor and I do all the things I wish he’d do to me. Most of the time I just genuinely enjoy it and he doesn’t even cross my mind.”

Silence fell between them.

“Sorry,” Darcy said eventually. “It’s just… a lot to take in.”

“I know. But you’re cheaper than therapy. And you won’t tell anyone. I know that you won’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because you create things from almost nothing, Darcy. It’s what you do. Me, I only destroy. I take beautiful things, relationships and friends, and then I tear and corrupt and destroy them. You take a piece of string and with two sticks and your own cleverness you make something new. I respect you. Now at least. You have no idea how much I disliked you when I first met you.”

“I might have a vague idea.”

“We were both forced into this, by Jane and Thor – the two people I have the weirdest relationship with – and I thought I’d be fired by the end of the week for the flimsiest of reasons. But you put up with me. Me. The only other person who’s ever put up with me was Thor and he’s not exactly a typical representation of human tolerance levels. And I tried your patience and I tested your limits, not even realizing I was doing it, it’s just… it’s what I do. And you refused to let me destroy this. Even after all that stuff with Clint and Tony and Natasha. And that time when I invited you to join me and Tony. Even after last night and this morning when I’ve spilled out the darkest parts of my soul. You’re still here. You still think I can be something, you think that I can be made into something, even though I feel like nothing.”

“Yeah, well. I like you. You’re not going under on my watch, no matter how hard you try.”

“And that’s how I know you won’t tell anyone.”

She could barely look Thor in the face when he brought Loki’s keys. She was almost sure he knew she knew. There was mild confusion in his face that turned to a stoic acceptance.

 _It’s OK,_ she wanted to tell him. _I won’t say a word. It’s your business and even though I know you don’t love him in the same way that he loves you, that doesn’t make your love for him any less important._

But Loki was right. She wouldn’t even tell Thor. Just in case.


	11. Epilogue

“Hey Darcy, I want to show you something.” Loki said a few weeks later.

She turned to find him holding what looked like a green nest.

“What is that?”

“It’s my knitting.”

“I thought you didn’t want to learn?”

“I don’t. I want to teach myself.”

She took the tangled bundle from him. “Where did you even get yarn from?”

“Darcy. Think about this carefully. I live above your yarn store. Where do you think I got it from? I’ve been looking at books, watching tutorials. Watching you teach other people. How hard can it be?”

She looked at what he’d produced. Line after line of knit stitches, some larger than others, a few parts where she wasn’t quite sure what he’d done, but there was certainly potential.

“It’s very good. For a beginner.”

“Hey! This is my first time trying to do something constructive, be nice.”

“You should let me help you. Maybe we can be constructive together.”

“…Are you asking me out?”

“God, no. Never in a million years.” She didn’t add ‘I know I can’t compete with Thor’ though the thought hung in the air between them. “ I just mean… We make a good team. Running this place. Maybe we can make it work. You can build yourself something stable.”

“You mean knit myself something. Knit myself something cozy.”

“If you prefer, but that doesn’t sound exactly structurally sound. Just… promise me something?”

“What?”

“No matter what happens, with Thor or with Tony or Natasha or…anyone. Don’t leave without coming to me first.”

Loki considered this. “Deal. But only if you promise not to help me with my actual knitting. I want to do something for myself for once.” She passed his work back to him. “It’s for you, you know. This scarf. It’s a present. I know you have lots that you made yourself but I wanted to make something for you. To prove that I can. If I can do this, maybe I can stop running. Stop trying to get away from something I can’t ever escape. Accept the yarn of my life, take up some tools and make something of it using my own cleverness.”

“Trust me. Not giving up on a project is most of the battle.”

There was a pause before he grasped her hand. “Thank you. For not giving up on me.”

She smiled. “I can handle a dropped stitch and a tangled skein here and there. I won’t be giving up on you any time soon.”

“…Do you think we’ve pushed this metaphor far enough?”

“Possibly.”

He let go.

“I’ll catch you later, boss. Meeting Tony for lunch. I’m thinking of introducing him to Clint and Natasha, what do you think?”

“I think you’re unbelievable.”

“And I think you wouldn’t have me any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. I swear this was meant to be fun, I don't know where all that angst came from. Hopefully some last minute cheese makes up for it.


End file.
